What A Maroon: A Narrative of Blender Blundering

Here begins my tale – I’ve somehow become marooned on a desert island (actually, an archipelago) and my only hope of survival is to make or build or salvage or scrounge whatever I can.

It was a dark and stormy night, etc. etc., and here I am on the beach of a lovely but desolate island, with a random assortment of crates. I fell off a container ship, along with several containers, boxes, and barrels. We were in shallow waters and struck ground, and I went over the side. Unfortunately, the crew didn’t see me or hear my screams for help. I found myself clinging to a steel container that turned out to be partly full of bean-bag chairs, so it was riding high in the water. Then it broke apart on the reef, and I had a bad time there getting scraped up on the coral, and lost my shoes. But the water was shallow, and there was little wave action inside the reef, so I managed to struggle to the beach, surrounded by a bobbing assemblage of boxes and other flotsam. Fortunately, I managed to drag a Blender crate to shore, so now I just have to figure out how to make stuff with it. No pressure, it’s just a matter of my continued survival, right? And there’s a box o’ GIMP, so I can make things look nice while I figure out how to rescue myself. I’ve got a pallet of duct tape, too, although most of it is at the bottom of this little lagoon. Guess I’ll be doing a little diving soon if I want to make shoes and shelter.


Meanwhile, the ship’s crew somehow got the ship off the sandbar, with little or no damage other than the loss of a few containers and one rather irritating female Jonah. By the time I got myself out of the water and pulled everything up above the high-tide line, the ship’s lights were already receding in the distance. I suppose they won’t figure out I’m gone until… breakfast? Or Panama customs? Great. I’m somewhere in the South Pacific, with little hope of rescue, but some hope of making myself reasonably comfortable while I wait for another ship to come along.

All I have to do to survive is to salvage stuff from the containers that fell off the ship when I did. So far all that’s floated to shore are the things in wooden crates – the barrels went farther down around the point and are probably halfway to Tahiti by now. Too bad, they had most of the food – so I’ll be eating a lot coconuts, crabs, and shellfish.

I can hear fresh water falling somewhere behind me, and this little islet seems to be connected to the larger island by a land bridge. I’ve got 2 lonely coconut trees and they’re dropping

I am going to Liberal Arts Major the shit out of this.IF I can figure out Blender and stop blundering, that is.



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